Fifty Shades of Grey  Garbage. Perhaps you can grasp from the title, that I too have hopped on the bandwagon and read (or at least tried to… Cus my boyfriend – now husband – bought actually the book for himself when we had spare money) the over sentionalised Fifty Shades of Grey. Yes, I did, just to see why it has caused  so much stir.

Bottomline. It’s pure rubbish. I just had to stop after seeing “He cocks his head to one side” for the fourth time in three chapters. I didn’t even bother trying to read further and just get to the graphic part (which the book is about). Now I wonder why is there so much hype over something this badly written. I am no writer, but I sure have read enough to differentiate a well-crafted piece of work from those that are not. I am aware of its origins as a fan fiction, but it should have had some more decent editing – if it had done one at all. The vocabulary’s very limited, the words and phrases are repetitive, and sentence structures are so poor my face still aches from all the face palms.

If you still aren’t convinced yet, let me share some terrible lines from the book:

  • “His voice us warm and husky like melted chocolate fudge caramel… or something”
  • “He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… gently pulls my tampon out and tosses out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy f**k. Sweet mother of all… Jeez”
  • “He’s my very own Christian Grey popsicle”
  • “Feel it baby”
  • “Grabbing it quickly, I squirt toothpaste on it and brush my teeth in double quick time. I feel so naughty. It’s such a thrill.”
  • “The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity to the twentieth floor”
  • “Laters, baby”

I have deduced that probably the reason the book is so popular is because it is specifically targeted at ignorant and / or functionally illiterate people whose opinions are easily swayed by others. They are demented with the inclination that it is a fine work of literature because they don’t usually read which gives them no basis for comparison. I know that getting upset over the literary merit (or lack thereof) of Fifty Shades of Grey is strangely joining the bandwagon too – apparently. It has received alot of bashing – but I cannot resist ranting. There are way more talented writers sinking their teeth into the writing good stuff who deserve E.L. James’s sales/

I could not reiterate more how inexcusably bad this novel is – and it kills me to call it one. But until I publish a book that sells 125 million copies, I am in no position to be snotty am I? Makes one  wonder why it ever made the bestseller’s list. Is that what humanity has come to?

If you are reading this AND enjoyed it, I assume you are either a). 50-year old bored housewife who’s having a crazed sexual fantasy; or b). a horny teenager exploring his/ her sexuality for the first time. Otherwise, you and your brain deserve than to be wasted on viral, irresponsibly written garbage. Trust me.

If you are in for the smut, I say just go get yourself porn or just get laid instead, for Christ’s sake.